So today is Saturday. I had to work today - boo.... I'm not fond of working on the weekends. Actually, I loathe it. But, it's over now. I'm home, and happy watching the Discovery Channel: Jaws of the Pacific. I love shark shows. Thy fascinate me. I'd never want to come face to face with one though. I have this reoccurring dream that a Great White swimming miles beneath me launches itself up out of the ocean taking me with it in its mouth. I don't think it's an irrational fear, do you? Anyway, on TV, they're interesting. I practically live for Shark Week every year & since I've discovered the beauty of DVR, I never have to miss any of it! Wow, that was a whole lot of pointless talk....let's shoot for something more serious.....
Ever had a good friend make it virtually impossible to be their friend? I have this amazing friend that is strong, caring, kind, trustworthy and super fun to be with. This friend, like all of us, has a past. This friend's past may be a little more troubled than most. One of the things I respect about this friend is how they've been able to rise above all of that and maintain for such a long time.
Recently, this friend has kind of slipped up. I can feel them starting to slip back into how they used to be. This, by default, makes it impossible to continue and 'every day' kind of friendship. If this friend continues on this course, I'll be lucky if we're the kind of friends that meet once every few months for lunch.
The sudden absence of this friend has been more than slightly depressing. I'm really not sure what to do now. I feel kind of lost. I've always thought it weird that someone can be a part of your everyday life and then, in the blink of an eye, all of that changes. I can't imagine not talking to this friend every day. To have them be such a huge part of my life and such a strong support system and then not to have that anymore is a bit unnerving. The hardest part is that I'm the one who controls this distance. I'm the one who won't allow this friend to be a part of my life anymore. Even though I believe it's with good reason and there can really be no other way, it's still sucks to know that if I really wanted to, I could pick up the phone and call just like nothing is out of the ordinary.
I feel hurt and a bit disrespected. Like I'm not important to this person. I know that's not the case but when someone makes a decision that they know will hurt you, how can you feel anything else?
Whew, I've been trying to figure out how to get that off my chest for a week now! Much better. Sorry for the dramatic babbling. Such is my life :)
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3 comments:
Desi-
I know how you feel, I have been in the same situation a few times. Ya know, just when someone is doing so good and you're so happy for them... then they decide to revert back. You do what you can do, but not too much because it's not fair to yourself. They probably already know that you will be there for them when they decide they need you.
Good luck with everything.
Believe it or not, I can completely relate to losing friends...I think you know why...You actually go through a grieving process, but "in time it will pass" (cliche but true). I think you're doing the right thing, though, by sticking to your guns. Holding your friends responsible for their decisions is the best way to be a friend.
Des, go to my friend Courtney's blog and look at the cake she had made for a party. You should learn to make that cake. You can find her link on my blog...it's Princess Courtney
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